God-damn!!

Okay, let's face it. I can't live without it.

 

I am addicted to music.

 

Can't live without it. Fortunately I can give myself an infinite number of shots of music without harming my body. It might even give me a clue on what to do with my life!

I'm so unhappy

The colors of this blog represent how unhappy I am. I am upset with the country around me. I am upset with my partners at school. Being so negative makes me sooo unsexy. And I want so desperately to have a girlfriend. It's a vicious circle.

I need to believe life can be beautiful again. Somebody help me. Please...

Dear God, Chile needs a miracle

Ever since I came back from Canada, all I want is to go back there.

Watching TV makes me sick.

I'm totally pissed off by the Chilean people, especially the government, the richest and the poor. I hate the country where I was born. I am very embarrassed to admit it is my country.

To leave everyone happy

...and to leave everyone happy with what you do also violates the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

This is an observation. It seems we can't apply laws from macroscopical, unanimated objects to people's personalities. But both of the mentioned attitudes seem to me completely impossible. And both involve less probable states and less disorder. This leads me to the conclusion that the famous Second Law is involved.

So we have to live just as we can, and try our best to be happy. But it seems to me that invariably, I will trespass on someone else. What do I do? Should I do what I want to do, assuming every cost (which I will have to assume anyway, because it's just the laws of nature), or should I live the most perfect life I can? I won't have it easy anyway, so it's almost the same. There will be happiness and misery anyway. It seems there's no point in doing anything.

A perfect person

A perfect person, in my opinion, violates the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

Therefore, doesn't exist neither will exist.

Math is nice!

In these last days, I’ve been enclosed studying calculus.

ARE YOU NUTS ARIEL?? Probably, but that’s nothing new. I don’t do what other people do to be happy. And math is nice. So I’m starting to like doing math exercises. I took my calculus book and started studying. Now I’m doing derivatives for trigonometric functions, something I had forgotten. But I'm retaking my swing. There’s a lot to study yet, but I’m optimist. I’m kind of good at it, and I like it. It’s nice to study it by myself, because I have no pressure.

It took me a lot of time to accept it. But it happens that I am a nerd. I can’t help it; I was born and raised like this. It’s my destiny. My wife will have to live with that.

Music: DUMPED

After watching a beautiful movie, I was wondering... and what is the craziest thing I have ever done in my life? There are several candidates apart from sex. Like composing a musical theme to a teacher I was in love with. Or buying an expensive record to learn a song, to be dedicated to the girl I wanted... which I never got the opportunity to sing.

It’s about music. And music will always be in my heart, but...

Now it’s like a girlfriend I had to dump, for my own good. I loved music, but I cannot live with it. I hear beautiful music, and I feel much like playing something again. But it’s a bad habit.

In these days, I’m retaking the path I should have followed for all of my life. My life is not about music. Suddenly I remembered. It’s about science, especially stars. At least in my far future, I am decided to follow the stars. But first, I have to learn science.

I had to dump music. There was no point in pretending I was any good at it. I could sing in tune, right, I could manage to play a guitar, and maybe a piano. But there ain’t anything else. I thought the love for music was reciprocal. But I should have realized that it wasn’t. After any performance, after the many performances of the school orchestra and even the choir, I felt EMPTY. Everything I had in my heart was a pitiful sensation of EMPTINESS. My subconscious was telling me "this is not your way". My parents knew. It seemed I was the only one not realizing it.

I made several friends by the music, and I know it’ll be kind of hard to understand this position. But after a long and hard, but satisfactory day in the lab, I feel good. I feel good when teaching science, when teaching what I know. I feel good when I come to conclusions. I feel good making dissertations explaining my results. I don’t feel the emptiness I feel with music. When I read Carl Sagan’s books on science topics, I feel myself touched deeply in my heart. It fills my entire being. A beautiful sensation of belonging, thinking of “this is mine and this is where I belong”. This is who I am.

And I do not like pharmacy either; I like more basic sciences like chemistry and physics, but that will be another post's subject.

I still have a question, mostly to satisfy my scientist spirit. If everything made me point to science since I was a child, why was I distracted with music? Could it have been that I started directly with science at school, and nothing else? It seems like not. I have a feeling that there’s a lesson in being distracted by the music. I’ll figure it out.